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Posted on April 1, 2006 by Deon Melchior | Posted under Dating
15. Dealing with Adversity while Dating
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relationship being very 'serious' with your date. If your date is at a point where you can call it serious, you will feel like you are in a 'sweet spot.' But there's certain to be a time when a big disagreement arises and has to be dealt with. The first step to take toward resolving the issue is to explore what caused the disagreement. The nature of the issue, whether it is big or small, has to be discussed. If an open and honest discussion does not occur, then lingering anger will remain and indirectly lead to other problems and disagreements. Any problems that aren't resolved to the satisfaction of you and your date, will eventually affect the relationship in some way. The worst case scenario happens when unresolved issues get to a stage that they threaten the existence of whatever bond has been formed. When problems pop up, you and your date have to be careful about the attitude you both have, and the behavior you display, in dealing with the issue. You both have to 'fight fairly,' which means giving each other room to voice your feelings, to say exactly what you think about the issue. In discussing or talking about the issue, you and your date have to try to avoid being bitter. That means you both should be very careful about the words you use and your tone. It's very easy during an argument to lose control to anger and speak hurtful words, or, do things out of spite and revenge. Such actions will only prolong the problem and heighten the state of adversity for your dating experience. The extent of how challenging the problem is will be evident by whether or not you are still involved in seeing your date. If you both are still going out and are able to do do some things together, then it means there isn't an underlying feeling that the relationship is coming apart. Instead, you both realize that the issue has to be dealt with, but you also have a strong bond which is important and which you both will work extremely hard to keep. The difficulty of the problem and the extent to which it is affect your dating relationship can also be indicated by the status of any plans that were previously made. Again, if you both have formed a strong friendship that is highly valued, you will both not want that damaged. So while prior plans may be postponed, there is still the thought that they will be executed after the issue is resolved. If the feeling or action is, however, that those plans are dead, so that either or both you and your date have no desire to carry them out anymore, then the adverse situation is definitely tearing your dating experience apart. Your dating had gotten serious but not to the point where it can withstand the test of still being intact when a problem arises. In the latter situation, you both will need to assess how you feel about each other and if you have something from dating that you want to keep and want to grow. If that is the case, then you and your date have to put the focus on each other and what you have, and realize that problems are inevitable in life and simply need to be worked out. By putting the focus on each other and what you have developed from dating, you and your date will test the true strength of the bond or friendship that you have. In doing so, you can identify where there is any weakness and work to strengthen it. You also may for the first time truly realize what you both have and develop a deeper appreciation for each other. Consequently, what started off as a bad or adverse situation can eventually serve a big positive purpose. About The Author: Deon Melchior is the Editor and Publisher of Article Click. For more FREE articles for your ezine and websites visit - www.articleclick.com |
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