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Posted on January 29, 2009 by Paul Friedman | Posted under Marriage Wedding
2 Ways to Improve a Relationship
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We were the talk of the town. But I had tremendous confidence in the concepts I employed in the construction, even though they were cutting edge. As it turned out my confidence was well placed. During the winters it only took two cords of wood to back up the heat given us by the sun and stored by massive amounts of concrete. The laws of physics which were used to design the house as efficiently as it was, worked. It came down to the fact that I trusted the laws of physics even though they were not tested in many of the applications I utilized. I knew gravity worked equally for a stone or a feather. The physics of building a passive solar home were known. I just used the rules in ways that had not yet been done before. Similarly, I know the “physics" of relationships also work regardless of a particular set of circumstances. I know for instance every human being responds kindly to words of love and support. I also know every human being responds unfavorably to words of criticism. When people came to my office for help with their failing marriage the first thing I did was get them to agree to stop hurting each other. Most people had no idea that they were throwing out hurtful barbs to their spouse. They had become so used to treating each other disrespectfully that my insistence on ending the attacks was often met with disbelief. But it didn't take long before one or the other would say something they thought was just an innocent statement, but was in reality a painful dig. Even when I busted somebody they thought I was joking until I asked the spouse, “did it hurt?" and of course it did. There are two great ways to improve a relationship. 1) Consciously stop every attack before it gets out of your mouth 2) Consciously say sweet and wonderful things to your spouse The relationship you have is dynamic, that is to say it is constantly moving and changing; think of it like a river that carries away anything you put into it. As soon as you stop polluting the river by putting nasty stuff into it, the river becomes cleaner with every passing moment. If you stop polluting your relationship it will improve immediately. If you start putting sweet things into your relationship it will improve exponentially. And by all means remember to tell the person you love, “I love you." About The Author: Paul Friedman, author of Lessons For A Happy Marriage, entered into the business of helping couples mend their marriages after a very rough personal experience with divorce. Paul came out of an early retirement to become a mediator. His belief was that couples could easily work out the details of separation and get on with their lives. He discovered the truth from his clients: they only sought divorce because the help they found to stay together didn't work. Read more on his relationship advice blog, at Lessons For A Happy Marriage.com |
Tags: WAYS TO IMPROVE A RELATIONSHIP, MARRIAGE HELP, HAPPY MARRIAGE, SAVE MARRIAGE
