3 Reasons to Avoid Marriage Counseling

People arestarting to become more aware of the pitfalls and dangers of marriagecounseling.  I personally cannot think ofa more misleading group of so-called professionals.  Just the other day I met an individual whotold me the marriage counselor she and her husband were seeing waswonderful.  I was surprised and told herhow unusual it was, from my experience, for marriage counselors to actuallyhelp marriages.  She said "Oh, shewasn't able to help us stay together, we're getting divorced at the end of theweek, but we really like her." Fortunately for her family, which includesa precious four year old daughter, I was able to convince her their marriagewas definitely worth saving. 

There aresome very good reasons to avoid marriage counselors. 

Reason #1

I don't knowthe statistics of how many people who are getting a divorce went throughmarriage counseling, but the most commonly accepted statistic for how manypeople get a divorce - and most of them have gone through marriage counseling -is scary enough.  On the low end 70% ofthe people who have gone to marriage counseling get a divorce, on the high end itis well over 90%.  That's like bringingyour car into an auto repair shop that repairs somewhere between 2% and 30% ofthe cars they work on; the rest of the cars end up in the junkyard.  So it's fair to say the number one reason to not get marriage counseling is becausestatistically it is a fraudulent profession that advertises benefits it cannotdeliver.

Reason #2

Sometimestatistics can be misleading.  What isimportant to understand is where they come from.  Sometimes they speak so loudly there is noneed to look into their source.  Forinstance the statistic regarding divorce rates among various professionalgroups.  I found a statistic that Ithought was pretty reliable because I was able to trace it back to astudy.  A psychiatrist is a medical Dr.who is trained in the fields of psychology. The following article reports that 51% of psychiatrists get a divorce.

 From the "John Hopkins Gazette"

After decades of following 1,118physicians who graduated from the Hopkins School of Medicine between 1948 and1964, researchers found a 51 percentdivorce rate for psychiatrists and 33 percent for surgeons, rates higherthan those for internists (24 percent), pediatricians and pathologists (each 22percent). The study revealed a 32 percent overall physician divorce rate.

The number two reason to not go tomarriage counseling: Statistically they demonstrate the same capacity forremaining married as anyone else!  Wouldn't it be odd if an auto mechanic had tobring his car to the junkyard because he couldn't get it running?

Reason #3

Everyoneknows the story about the boy who stuck his finger in the dike and savedHolland.  The counter moral to that storyis if you don't do something in time it gets much worse.  But the accepted practice of marriage counselingincludes regular meetings of 45 to 50 minutes for at least several months.  As someone who has worked with people incrisis situations I can tell you absolutely 45 or 50 minutes is not enoughtime.  My own sessions lasted two HOURSand I never scheduled anyone behind the people I worked with in case I neededanother 15 or 20 minutes.  What do thesecounselors think happens at the end of the session when one or both parties hasjust vented about their spouse?  So hereis the third and final reason to not get marriage counseling:  Sothat you can avoid the increased grief caused by putting everything out on thetable, when all it does is worsen the relationship.

God didn'tmake marriage so complex that you need an expert to guide you every step of theway.  However, due to the bizarreness ofour current society, people don't lead a natural life and don't know what to doin most situations.  The lessons I havewritten explain the principles and dynamics of marriage.  When you read them everything will becomevery clear to you.  I can't tell you howmany times I've heard people say or write that everything in the lessons seemslike they already knew it before.  In anutshell Lessons For A Happy Marriageis common sense sorted for the specific life of a married couple.  Learn how to be married and enjoy the verybest situation you will ever have.  Nowgo ahead and tell your spouse, "I love you."