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Posted on February 18, 2008 by James Walsh | Posted under Divorce
Damaging Effects of Divorce on Children
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Divorced couples usually come under financial strain because of the legal expenses as well as the division of family assets and debts. One of the partners has to move out of the family house and look for another accommodation. From a married status, which has a certain respect and status in the society, the partners move on to the “divorced" label. At a personal level, the divorced partners are now totally cut off from the relatives and friends of one's spouse. Perhaps, the most profound damage inflicted by divorce is psychological and emotional. The partner who was abruptly served divorce papers is shocked and feels outsmarted and cheated. A lot of stress and anxiety enters the relationship. There are feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal. Many people enter a state of depression and lose interest in life in general and continue with their day-to-day affairs listlessly. Their productivity suffers at the workplace. All said and done, the partners are experienced and mature adults. They can still cope with all the negative feelings generated by divorce and keep them in perspective in the overall drama of their life. They have a support network of friends and relatives on whom they can lean in times of crises. It is actually the children who emotionally suffer the most from parental divorce. When the children see their parents divorcing, their entire life collapses around them. The family means a lot to them, perhaps a lot more than what it means for the partners. It is the safe and cosy nest where they grow up, carefully nurtured by their parents. It is their whole world that is held together by the marriage of their mom and dad. When they see their parents heading for divorce, they instinctively know what its implications are for their family home. Parental divorce affects children in various ways. They are too young and cannot comprehend why their parents are splitting up. They take the whole blame on them and develop a deep guilt complex. The children think that their parents are divorcing because they do not like them. “Have I done something that made the parents angry and they are now going away to punish me?" is the question that gnaws at them. Apart from harbouring a feeling of guilt, they become deeply insecure and fearful of their future. They think that they may be abandoned by their parents and there may be nobody left to look after them. The fear of being left alone is uppermost in their minds because they realise that they will not be able to survive on their own without adult supervision. Children tackle their emotional turmoil in various ways. Some take to drugs and alcohol or petty crime. Most start lagging behind in their studies. They suffer from attention deficit and are unable to pay attention in class. Some, as a rebellion against the situation they find themselves in, become bullies and start harassing others who cannot defend themselves. The negative emotions generated in the childhood take their toll on their personalities and, as they grow up, they grapple with various psychological problems. Most of them have difficulty forming enduring relationships, or if they are able to form a few, they may end them abruptly over trivial matters. Seeing their parents divorce, they imbibe the lesson that human relationships are fragile and it is not worth trusting others because your trust may get broken. The insecurity they developed in their childhood twists their personalities and their mannerisms display a lack of confidence or inner strength. Some of them undergo an inner struggle, trying to suppress their insecurity while not allowing their fears to be made known to their peers. Many turn out to be chronic underachievers. Since parental divorce has such a negative and long-lasting effect on children, it is the duty of the partners to go out of their way to protect them from the situation. As a rule, they should never quarrel in front of their children. The parents should clearly explain to the children that their divorce has nothing to do with anything they may have done. Also, after separation, the parents should meet their children regularly and give an appearance of business as usual. About The Author: James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com |
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