Divorce Questions You Should Be Asking

When people are having difficulties with their marriage the first thing they want to do is find out about a divorce.  They want to know what to expect in terms of costs, how long it takes, and what the laws are that govern a divorce.  Everybody wants to know how they are protected, and what they will either get out of it, or preserve in spite of the separation of family and assets.

Nobody Asks The Right Questions

The right questions to ask will let you know about the long-term effect of your divorce.  The right questions prioritize according to a value system rather than a monetary system.  The first question you should ask is: What happens to our children?

Or maybe the first question you should ask is: Whose children are they anyway?

You and Your Spouse Had the Children but You Didn't Create Them

Just about everybody considers the children they have to be their own, but if you really think about it that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  Yes, you get to take care of them and you are responsible for them but you had no idea who they were before they were born.  Over time you get to recognize who they are by their personality, but it is a personality that is developing in spite of you, not because of you.  These kids come through the portals of our families but do not belong to the family as a possession.  Before they were born they belonged to God and after they were born they still belong to God.  In fact, so do you.  So if you want to play it smart think of yourself as working for God as a caretaker for His children. 

Now, are you sure you want to fight over these kids?  Or maybe there's something about being married that you haven't figured out yet.  If you give it some thought you may realize that God wouldn't set up a family to raise His children knowing it would fall apart easily.  It must be you who is doing something wrong and it is up to you to figure out what it is so you can have a happy family like you wanted, and as God intended.

So here are 6 questions that might serve your family much more than the questions you thought you wanted to ask:

1)    Do I even have a basic understanding of what marriage is?

2)    Do I understand what my role is as a spouse?

3)    Do my expectations exceed my desire to serve?

4)    As a spouse do I behave in an exemplary fashion?

5)    Have I read the Marriage Manual: Lessons For A Happy Marriage?

6)    Am I really ready to quit before I have tried everything possible?

You see the problem with divorce questions is they take you down the wrong path.  You're not really ready to give up.  You didn't get married to test and see if you were marrying the right person.  They are the right person; you just don't know how to be married.  If you divorce them you're going to run into the same problems you're running into now.  Why go through all of this destruction, especially of your children, when there is more than hope.  You just need to learn what marriage is all about and how to function in one to make it happy.  You can do it.  God didn't make marriage just for certain people to succeed, He made it so that not only everyone can succeed but everyone can be super happy.

Bottom line: start asking some other questions.  The effort you make to have a successful marriage is one 1000th of the suffering you will endure if you don't.