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Posted on February 4, 2008 by James Walsh | Posted under Divorce
Finding the Perfect Partner
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Physical chemistry or initial attraction does not last them a lifetime and things begin to change soon after the honeymoon period is taken over by the daily rigours of life. The relationship undergoes a change; it is no longer a mystery, the high of meeting eachother for a limited time period is over and raging hormones cool down. This is the time when couples actually get to see the person they married for what they truly are. The transformation often shocks them out of their romantic idealization. Many often believe that their partner is taking them for granted and has changed. This leads to lot of disappointment and conflict, often leading to divorce. Even statistics prove that most marriages end in divorce in the initial years itself. The problem however lies in the beginning of the relationship. People should sit back and think deeply as to what exactly they want in their partners. They should realize that the demands of short term affairs are different from those of life long relationships. Any mistake in the initial process of choosing the right person to marry can cost us a lifetime of trying to correct the mistake. The effort might never succeed ever, as marriage is a big decision in anyone's life. Too many people walk down the aisle without sharing their expectations and aspirations with their partner. They do not realise that both of them may differ on various issues: their aims, hopes, fears and dreams about life and about each other. Discussing all these things prior to committing permanently, will give you the time and insight to know and align your ideas and attitudes. Differences in personalities and other expectations do not mean you have to end the relationship. The process will help you identify potential problems and start working on them together. If no consensus can be reached then you will know that you are not made for each other. There are a host of issues to be considered. Think through each issue fully and take notes. Get your partner to consider the questions too and then swap notes. Some issues will be easy to discuss while others will take sometime to talk through. Be prepared for long conversations and some disagreements. The whole process might take some time but in the end it will all be worth the effort. The idea should not be to agree on everything. The aim is to talk things through and understand each other better, and to align the expectations from marriage and life after. The exercise will also allow you to practice the key skills for a successful marriage; communicating and negotiating. Everything might not be so easy to agree on or accept. In case of serious disagreements, where no middle path can be found, you can seek joint counseling to resolve the issue or you can choose to part ways. Couples need to ask each other these questions to increase their chances of a happy married life. 1. Financial Issues: Who will run the house? Do we divide our financial responsibilities? How much should we spend on holidays and other luxuries? What is your financial income? What are your future aims and ambitions? 2. Physical Preferences: What level of physical intimacy do you desire? What are your physical preferences? How much importance do you give it and do you consider it more important than love? 3. Leisure Time: How do we spend our leisure time? How much time and money spent on individual interests is acceptable? How many holidays or family outings do we plan in a year? 4. Parenting: Will we have children? How many? What kind of parents do we want to be? What kind of relationship do we want them to have with their grandparents? 5. Extended Family: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage? What do you like and dislike about your family? 6. Health, Religion and Spirituality: Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)? Do we share a religion? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation? Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Are the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? About The Author: James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com |
Tags: DIVORCE, DIVORCE ADVICE, DIVORCE UK, QUICK, AFFORDABLE
