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Posted on November 30, 1999 by Joy Stoyle | Posted under   Movies TV


Gaslighting; Do You Believe It?



Remember the old days of divorce action when you could get out of a bad marriage by claiming mental cruelty? Well mental cruelty has a new look and new name and it's 'gaslighting'. 'Gaslight' was a superb Oscar-winning movie in 1944, directed by George Cukor. It tells the story of a beautiful young women played by Ingrid Bergman, newly wed, who is gradually driven out of her senses by her evil abusive husband (Charles Boyer). When a gas light within the house is lit all the others dim noticeably. The Bergman character can see it but is persuaded that it isn't so by her husband.

This is just the most obvious incident of psychological abuse but the point is brilliantly illustrated because whenever one partner in a relationship undermines the sensory and mental stability of their partner they are committing abuse by gaslighting. The human mind has only a tenuous grasp on reality and abusers with power needs soon learn to subtly mistreat others.

Examples of gaslighting would be insisting that you said something when in fact you didn't and insisting aggressively that such and such happened this way when in fact it didn't happen like that or even happen at all. "I called you three times to tell you I would be home late, but you never answered the phone" or "I gave you cash last week to buy your birthday gift, so what did you get"?

Before too long the abused person begins to lose all self esteem and self belief making them vulnerable to other more serious forms of abuse and domination.

America has a domestic violence time bomb of which gaslighting is the slow burning fuse. Each and every day, hundreds of thousands of people across the country are subject to mental and physical abuse in their relationships and homes. Police respond to many hundreds of thousands of calls daily. Experts suggest many more calls are never made.

Bullying in public schools is rife and schools have become social playgrounds. Children are socially compelled to find a specific group into which they fit. There is often animosity between those groups that all too often spills over into episodes of violence. Every day, countless such episodes break out on elementary, junior high and high school campuses across the country. Mobile phones and the Internet are blessings but they are also vehicles for gaslighting and abuse, so that there is no escape.

The subject of gaslighting begins with feelings of frustration at not being believed and denying the abusers view of the World. But it does not take long before they doubt the evidence of their own senses and memory. Soon they become dependent on the abuser for their good opinion and work harder and harder to gain it but with no chance of ever doing so. In one sense modern mass media is gaslighting us all into a world view where low level violence is acceptable normal and not to be challenged.



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