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Posted on November 17, 2008 by Dean S. Erickson | Posted under Relationships
How To Get Along With Others - And Maybe Change Yourself
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I would venture to offer the suggestion that, for the most part, our ability to get along with and, God forbid, even begin to appreciate someone we would rather not be around, depends entirely on what is going on inside of our minds rather than what is going on with the “other" person. I will admit this is a tough pill to swallow. Especially when we have to endure the presence of someone whose negative, sour puss, egotistical, or annoying personality traits drive us absolutely nuts. We do have a certain amount of control over whether or not we have to spend much time around this other person. But the fact of the matter is, there are some people we have to associate with. Our work, family, or social obligations make it impossible to avoid these people. Rather than looking at these circumstances as a “pain in the you know what", you might want to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. Can I change my attitude about this person? Is there a way for me to deal with things this person says or does in a positive, constructive manner? Is this an instance where I can work at standing up for myself without alienating the other person or having our encounter escalate into a verbal free-for-all? Probably the most important rule to remember about interpersonal relations is that the only person you can change is yourself. Have any of us been very successful at changing the other person - especially if that other person sees no need for change? No, and in fact I would be willing to bet your batting average in regards to this is a whopping .000. Am I right? Accept the other person as they are. That in and of itself can release a tremendous weight off your shoulders. You are not going to change that person and you don't have the responsiblity to....so forget about it. From this point you become more open to looking at the person from a little different angle. You can play little mental games with yourself. For instance, maybe you can experiment with listening a little closer to what the person is saying and try to get a deeper understanding of what they are trying to say or do. You begin to get away from looking at each encounter with this person a some kind of mental or verbal wrestling match that you have to come out on top on. Perhaps you are able to actually find some things that you agree with the other person on. Or you inject a little humor into the conversation to keep things light. You might also use these encounters as an chance for you to strengthen your ability to honestly state your point of view in a calm, matter of fact manner that is less advesarial. In time there even may be moments where you find that you see a side of this other person that you never noticed before. And you suddenly find yourself actually saying, “Gee, you know what, this guy isn't such a total jerk after all." One of the things you may notice if you use this approach of looking at your attitudes and behaviors with people you have conflicts with, is that after awhile, you start to notice that they seem to be changing right before your eyes. Did they change or did you? I have a hunch, if you are honest about it......it is a little bit of both. The magic of this is that while you were looking inward instead of outward, you helped create a climate where the other person could change. Your batting average won't be 100% with this approach, but I will guarantee you will get to first base a lot more often than you were. About The Author: Dean Erickson is a free lance writer who specializes in topics of personal and spiritual growth. To read more of his work, go to his blog Onepost2thenext.com |
Tags: HOW TO GET ALONG WITH OTHERS, PERSONAL GROWTH,
