Lessons from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

In Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, he outlines 9 principles for becoming a friendlier person. I want to share with you my view on these 9 principles and why they are so powerful.

Let’s start with Principle # 1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain. My view of this is to stay positive. Do not go negative. People just don’t want to hear it.

Number 2) Give honest, sincere appreciation. This is not flattery. The keyword is sincere. If you’re not being sincere, people will know it. Try to find something to appreciate in all of the people that you meet and know.

Number 3) Arouse in the other person an eager want. What does that mean? It means that you want to get people motivated, keep them motivated, and spur them on.

Number 4) Become genuinely interested in other people.

Take a sincere interest in them. Don’t just pretend you’re interested. Everybody has something interesting about them. Find out what it is.

Number 5) SMILE. Yes, a real smile. A smile is contagious. We’ve all seen it. Find things to smile about and share your smile with the world.

Number 6) Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. I love hearing my name. David, what can I do for you today David? Would you like that promotion David? I also love being called Daddy by my children. I love you Daddy. Can you play with me daddy.

My wife has a couple of other names for me that I can’t share with you today.

Number 7) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Here’s my take on listening. I call it sincere listening. Don’t sit and wait for your turn to talk while you are listening. Be attentive and show actual interest in what the person is saying. And here’s a secret – what’s the best way to show an interest? By actually being interested.

Number 8) Talk in terms of the other person's interests. Find some common ground.

Don’t only bore them with things that are interesting to you. You don’t have to fake interest, find real common ground.

Number 9) Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely. The only true way to make somebody feel important is for you to feel they really are important, to sincerely believe they are important. If they are in your life and you are spending time with them, they should be important.

Those are the 9 principles. When it was written in the early 20th century, it had a tremendous impact on people, and the thoughts behind it are as true today as they were back then.