Marriage Counseling Doesn't Work - You Aren't Crazy or a Loser

When a washing machine starts making a racket you, like most people, call an appliance repairman.  When the washer repairman comes over he will do a quick diagnostic and charge a small fee.  He tells you what's wrong with your washing machine, what it will take to fix it, and how much he is going to charge you.  Usually he will also tell you how long his work is guaranteed.  When he is finished working, your expectation is your washing machine will work just fine.  If it doesn't you will be rightfully upset and give the repairman another chance to fix it.  If at the end of the day he doesn't fix it you will want your money back.  You'll not only want your money back for the work he claimed he did but you will want your money back for the diagnosis.  His diagnosis was obviously inaccurate and not worth a dime.

The reason everything in the above paragraph is fair and reasonable is washing machines are mechanical devices comprised of parts that function in harmony to create a desired result.  If a belt or other part is broken you just replace it and the machine functions again.  The number of things that can go wrong with a washing machine may be extensive, but they are not infinite.  Whatever is wrong can be fixed.  Although the cost of repair may not warrant the effort, the bottom line is a washing machine can always be repaired, even one part at a time.

The Professionals' Arguments For Excuses

Anyone can tell you with great authority a marriage is not a washing machine.  It does not take a genius to make such an obvious statement.  But understanding marriage is not like trying to find the keys to universal questions either.  With what we already know about cause and effect in human interaction, the so-called problems found in marriage should be easily identifiable, this way any married couple can stop making more trouble for themselves. They can also learn the principles needed to make their marriage splendidly happy.  It is by making marriage seem complex that marriage counselors are able to come up with a myriad of excuses for their failures with couples seeking help.  Don't buy their excuses; excuses are a form of lies.

Nearly every couple I met with had already gone to marriage counseling and was told their marriage couldn't be saved.  Some couples were told they were incompatible.  They were told they did not have what it took for their marriage to work.  They were good people who were effectively told they were not good enough to have the marriage they wanted, so most of them thought they were either crazy or losers.  They and you are neither crazy nor a loser.  98% of the people getting divorced today shouldn't.  Marriage is not as difficult as the psychobabblers would have you believe"¦  Is it not just a bit ironic that marriage counselors have the same rate of divorce as pretty much everyone else?  Don't waste your time, money, or throw away your marriage by going to people who think they are experts but have no clue about how to keep a marriage together.

Here Are Five Things You Should Do

1)    Read Lessons For A Happy Marriage so you understand the principles that guide a happy married life.

2)    Stop beating each other and yourself up (not literally I hope) because you're having trouble.

3)    Don't notice each other's flaws anymore - they are none of your business.

4)    Treat your spouse as the most important person in the world.

5)    Don't give up!

Although there are some very tough situations that make a happy marriage difficult, chances are your situation is not among them.  My experience is that the divorce rate should be in the 2 to 4% range.  The chances of you having a successful and super happy marriage are extremely high.  So even before you get Lessons For A Happy Marriage tell your spouse, "I love you."