STEP WARS--The Unique Dynamics of Adult Blended Families

Easier said than done of course--thats why its called step "WARS". What I love about this book is that it covers the entire spectrum of life in adult step-families, from everything you might expect to everything that you could not possibly anticipate.

But once again, as desires collide, we see that there are no black and white or easy solutions. Its a matter of different people seeing things from different vantage points, and feeling their individual losses in a very potent way. Before we can find the solutions, we must begin by seeking understanding of what is taking place for each individual involved.

Studies show that women in the stepmother role put a lot of pressure on themselves to make the newly created family and relationships work. Perhaps this is because females in general are more focused on relationships and have always felt that somehow this is their territory and responsibility.

It could also be attributed to the pervasiveness of the "wicked stepmother stereotype." Stepmothers of all ages, seem to come into their new families with the conception that they must do everything in their ability to prove that they are not wicked but actually have everyones best interests at heart and will do everything it takes to bring the family together. Sounds like the fast track to burnout!

For stepfathers, there is an absence of these negative stereotypes so they typically dont have the same burden to prove themselves in addition to the fact that most people dont expect men to be the relationships builders and/or fence menders when things dont go as anticipated.

What is common for partners who bring children into the mix, is a feeling of being caught in the middle between their children and new spouse (plus their children if they have any), especially when the adult children are less than excited about the union in the first place. These can be very unsettling and frustrating times for new partners who are simply and yet unrealistically expecting everyone to be as happy for them, as they are for themselves.

There is a great need for Gabe and Lipman-Blumens book StepWars. It takes a detailed and fair look at each persons role and place in adult stepfamilies and what is at stake for them that creates the discord, misunderstanding and pain that ultimately can occur. This is a book that confronts the tough questions that everyone in adult stepfamilies is asking. With chapter titles like "The Wedding: Here Comes the Bride, Here Comes the Complexity" and "My Inheritance: Great Expectations Gone with the Wind" you can count on learning the truth about what real people are experiencing in stepfamilies today and what the experts are saying are ways of addressing these issues and working toward understanding and resolution.

About the Author Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, is a Featured Coach with www.Blended-Families.com. Sign up for their free step family tips newsletter. WEBMASTERS: Use of this article requires a link to remain intact

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