Support Groups for Divorced People

In a marriage, the partners are supposed to nurture each other emotionally. They are expected to offer a shoulder for the other to lean on. The finances of husband and wife merge and they combine their resources to buy family assets. They make great effort to raise their children and provide them a good education and upbringing to turn them into emotionally healthy and mature adults. Truly, a marriage requires a huge investment of time and money.

That is why the announcement of divorce by one partner comes as a total shock to another. Divorce is the death knell of the family that was created with so much patience and care by the partners. With separation, the family assets are divided among the spouses and the emotionally-loaded issue of child custody as well as alimony is settled.

Children are actually the real victims of divorce. Their parents are mature adults who can survive the after-affects of separation and disintegration of the family. However, for children, the family home and the close presence of parents constitute their entire world which collapses in front of them due to divorce. They become insecure and anxious about their future. They have to reconcile with the fact that they will get to see one parent – usually the father – only occasionally.

When the partners separate, they suffer a cocktail of negative emotions, such as a feeling of being ditched or exploited, betrayal, anger, hurt, depression and embarrassment. Sometimes the feelings of bitterness become so intense that the divorced partner has to seek professional help. In this moment of emotional turmoil, depression and insecurity, what you actually require are a bunch of people who are in a similar situation as you. Nothing lightens up a burden more than when it is shared with others. If you remain isolated, your negative feelings will only increase.

Divorce support groups are one of the best ways to get in touch with others who are also coming to grips with their divorce and undergoing the same feelings as you. You can find such groups in the neighbourhood by flipping through the Yellow Pages, browsing online or speaking to the neighbourhood divorce counsellor or attorney.

There are many types of divorce support groups. Some are based on religion. Its members seek comfort in spirituality and prayers. Some support groups, especially those run by a therapist, may ask you for a joining fee, while those run by volunteers are mostly free. Divorce support groups may be separate-gender with a small membership that guarantees individual attention. Others may welcome both genders and have a huge crowd thronging its meetings, which guarantees anonymity.

Once you have chosen the right support group, you should start attending its meetings regularly. The first few interactions with fellow members are quite emotional and have a cathartic effect. This is because as you recount your story to others, your inner-most bottled-up emotions get a chance to vent. As you listen to the life stories of others, you realise that you are not alone in this situation. There are many in the group who have gone through the same situation and underwent similar feelings.

Gradually as you continue to attend meetings, you begun to identify with other members and become good friends with some of them. Phones numbers are exchanged and visits are planned to each other’s houses. Usually, you gravitate toward individuals who are in the same age group and social status as you and have children of the same age.

Life-long friendships are sometimes forged in these divorce support groups. The members come to each other’s help. They socialise outside the group meetings and don’t mind babysitting for each other’s kids whenever required. This is a big support to people who are recovering from the trauma of divorce.

Divorcees who cannot afford to attend the meetings of the support group or stay far away can check out the many virtual divorce communities that exist in cyberspace. Once you become their member, you can chat with other individuals in the online forum about their experiences and go through the site library and FAQs that offer loads of information about recovering from a painful divorce.

Divorce support groups are really a godsend for people who are looking for some emotional support to put their life back on the track after their separation trauma.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com

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