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Losing a friend or family member is never an easy thing. The loss can be devastating, however, recieving messages of sympathy can give you the comfort that you long for during your time of sorrow. Sometimes people mean to say nice things but it can come out the wrong way and may result in more sadness for the other person. To avoid this, just know what you want to say and say it right. Here are some tips to help you express your sympathy in the most respectful manner.
Tip # 1: Let the person know that you're sorry for their loss. Sometimes a simple "I'm sorry" will suffice because the person may not be in the mind frame to want to listen to people say "it's going to be okay" when they feel that it's not going to be. If you don't want to say you're sorry or you feel that you need to say something more, you can always say something like "my condolences" or "with deepest sympathy".
Tip # 2: Show the person you're thinking of them. You can do this by sending them a card and/or flowers. In the card, let the person know that you're there for them and you're praying for them and the deceased. Whether or not you knew the deceased well, keep the message short and simple. Use proper etiquette to convey your message.
Tip # 3: Let the person know that you're there for them if they need a shoulder to cry on or a person who will listen. When they are ready to talk, they will. Knowing that there's someone like you available for them will make them feel more comfortable. Also, offer them help with anything they may need like picking up their groceries or running errands. They'll appreciate it.
Tip # 4: Avoid the words "sad" or "I know how you feel" or "it was his/her time to go". You want to comfort them as much as possible without making their loss seem worse. Also, don't make reference to a loved one you've lost. The best thing you can do is to just be there because it will mean so much. Even if you're not talking to them, by being in your presence, they'll feel more calm knowing they have friends and/or family there for when ever they may need them.
Tip # 5: Although it may feel awkward at first, don't pretend that everything is okay. Although it may be in the future, in the present moment of loss, the person may sometimes act like everything is fine, when in reality it really isn't. Even if they appear to be in a good mood, or rather not sad, don't let this fool you. They may be trying to take a break to get their mind of things or may even see that you feel a bit awkward, so they'll put on a happy face and talk about other things to get rid of that awkwardness. Just remember why you're with the person, offering your sympathies.
No matter how you express your sympathies to a person, make sure it doesn't come across as insensitive. If it does come across as insensitive, simply apologize and say you didn't mean it the way it sounded and say what you meant to say. Just remember: the key to making a sympathy message sound sympathetic is by keeping short and simple. They'll appreciate it more this way because if everyone around them offers their sympathy by sending long messages, they'll avoid everyone's messages altogether.
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