Teach Children Self Discipline By Using The Fair Discipline Rule

There is certainly no right or wrong way to deal with your children and teach them discipline. Each family’s values and beliefs will be different but there is one common theme no matter what your culture or belief system. You can teach children self discipline by using the fair discipline rule.

So what is the fair rule? Basically it’s the same way you like to be treated. Your child should clearly know the rules and consequences and the punishment should always fit the crime in a fair and compassionate manner.

As parents our job is to teach our children self discipline so that in the future they will become contributing responsible adults in our society. Some days this can certainly be a challenge as children tests our limits, weaknesses, and strengths. But always remember that you will accomplish your goal as a parent much more successfully if you use the fair discipline rule.

Children need to know what is expected of them. They need to know their limits and those limits must be clearly understood and appropriate for the age. They also need to know what the punishment is if they break the rules. Sure they may try to get around the rules but that’s what kids do to test their boundaries. Your job is to fairly discipline them. If you have been clear about the rule and what will happen as a result of breaking the rule then they are expecting that result from you. Its part of the teaching of self discipline and you need to stick to the rules you made.

Rather than spending your days saying don’t, can’t, stop that, try using positive reinforcement. Kids need to feel good about their behavior, themselves, and what they do. When you reward a child’s behavior they generally continue to exhibit that behavior. We use positive rewards [treats] when we are training our dogs why is it so difficult to use it when we are training our own flesh and blood?

Your positive comments also need to be specific. Don’t just say. “Thanks for cutting the grass,” instead say “Tom you cut the grass, picked the weeds out of the flower beds, and bagged the grass cuttings. Thanks so much for making the yard look so good.” If Tom did part of his job poorly then start by complementing him on what he did well and then be specific in telling him what needs improving.

Always make sure the punishment fits the crime. Too often as parents we tend to overreact out of stress and frustration. But when we overreact we are not teaching our children any lessons about self discipline because we ourselves are not practicing it.

Think about the punishments for a crime. For example let’s say your 6 year old doesn’t put their toys away as requested. You might consider taking away access to the toy box for a couple of days. However don’t take it away for a month because that would be overreacting.

Always provide a positive role model for your children. Remember you are your child’s first teacher and even as they get older and you are sure they aren’t hearing a word you say or observing anything you do you are wrong! Years from now when they become adults you’ll find them one day saying remember when you… Yes you’ll be shocked. They were actually paying attention. Believe it or not our kids really do grow up to be much like we are.

You should always have kind words for your spouse and family members. If your children see love, they will learn love, and they will become healthy adults that can express love. Always have open and honest discussions. Never play the “Do what I say not what I do” game. It will leave your children confused. Do practice what you preach if you want your self discipline lessons to be successful.

Mutual respect is the foundation for any healthy relationship and that includes the one with your child. Always respect your child as a person. If you are courteous and kind to your child they will learn to be the same to others. If you are wrong then apologize to your child. This is another important lesson.

You might be the boss but use your authority compassionately. Rather than ranting and raving try to turn each lesson into a learning lesson. If you are too strict your child will rebel. If you do not allow them to experience and grow your child will not develop the necessary skills they will need to develop socially and emotionally. Teach your child through positive cause and effect.

There’s nothing wrong with saying no to your child even though sometimes you feel rotten about doing it. Even if your child acts out stay firm. But when you do say no then be sure to also state your reasons. This helps your child understand your decision even if they don’t like it. Another valuable lesson in life.

When you discipline your child always be sure to separate the child from the behavior. If your child understands that you love them unconditionally but cannot condone their behavior. Using phrases like “What are you dumb,” or “you’re so disgusting,” attack the person and not the problem and they are ineffectual and will lead to more problems like low self esteem. Think before you speak you are after all the adult here.

As your child gets older you are going to have to learn to be a bit flexible. You’ll find yourself in discussions, debates, and even arguments as they fight to find their own identity. The teen years are times of compromise so that the most serious rule are adhered to but they are also allowed to spread their wings and begin to fly. After all independence is just around the corner.

Tell your children often how much you love them. Show them self discipline through practicing self discipline. Some of the most important lessons in life are learned without uttering a verbal word. And when you need to discipline your child always use the fair discipline rule!

Aura Mirchandani is the Editor and Publisher of Article Click. For more FREE articles for your ezine and websites visit ArticleClick.com. Article Click is a free content article directory.