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Posted on August 21, 2009 by Dr. Leslie Seppinni | Posted under Inspirational
Too Young for A Midlife Crisis
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Armed with a degree inpolitical science from Northeastern University, Heidi Buchanan came tothe District in June 2006 to find her dream job in public policy. Whatshe found instead was that life after college wasn’t all she had hopedit would be. There was the job she didn’t like, the new city inwhich she had no friends and the nostalgia she felt for the happinessof her college years. Put them all together, and what Buchanan had wasa severe case of post-graduation blues. Call it a quarter-lifecrisis, the 20-something version of a midlife crisis, in whichsufferers struggle to establish their sense of identity and purpose.It’s not a new phenomenon, but today’s young people seem to experienceit more acutely than the young people who came before them. And withthe tumultuous economy and job market meltdown of the past year, recentgrads are getting a double helping of quarter-life anxiety. Unlikeyoung adults of generations past, many of whom were married and settledin their careers by their mid-20s, today’s college grads experience alonger period of transition to the settled-down stage, said JeffreyJensen Arnett, a research professor of psychology at Clark Universityin Massachusetts and author of "Emerging Adulthood: The Winding RoadFrom Late Teens Through the Twenties." "It is a unique time oflife when people are not entirely dependent on their parents . . . butthey don’t have a stable life structure with marriage and parenthoodand stable work," Arnett said. "They go in a lot of directions, changejobs a lot, change love partners. They go through a long period offiguring out who they are and how they fit in the world." Arnettbelieves this transition period can be positive, with its opportunitiesfor growth and adventure. But for some people, the turmoil bringsworry, fears of failure or of being trapped by responsibilities, ordepression. In the case of Buchanan, who is now 26, her job madeher unhappy because she didn’t know what she really wanted out of hercareer. Then in March this year, the bad economy made her decision forher: She was laid off. Suddenly she found herself having to reexamineher life. "Maybe I want a career totally out of the ordinary —say like being a flight attendant," she wrote on her blog, Life inPink. "I’d love to travel and meet new people. But to be honest? I just. . . don’t know. At all." Lauren Kellar, a counselor at theCenter for Well Being in Falls Church, has seen many of herquarter-life clients laid off or facing pay cuts. Some have to asktheir parents for help with paying bills, and some even have to moveback home — a big blow to the self-esteem, she said. In a recentonline survey by CollegeGrad.com, a job search Web site, 68.9 percentof the more than 2,000 respondents said they would move back with theirparents after graduating from college and stay there until they found ajob. That is up from 64.6 percent in 2008 and 62.6 percent in 2007. Eventhose with jobs sometimes feel stuck doing something they don’t enjoybecause they fear they have no other options. "They want to go back toschool for a master’s or MBA, and they’re not doing it because they’realready in debt," Kellar said. "Kids are changing their dreams,"said Leslie Seppinni, a marriage and family therapist and doctor ofclinical psychology in Beverly Hills, Calif. They are "going for thingsmore pragmatic in terms of earning a living and getting a job later.Kids are now thinking about what is the safe thing to do to get apaycheck." But the anxiety over the future and thedisappointment in not landing passion-fulfilling jobs makes thequarter-life depression worse. At the same time, Seppinni said,technology is breeding a generation of online sulkers. No longerlimited to sharing their woes at the family dinner table or whilehanging out with friends, quarter-lifers have countless opportunitiesto brood in blogs and on Twitter and Facebook — anytime, anywhere. Andfinding fellow victims to commiserate with is never more than a clickaway. "Depending on your character and moral outlook, you’llseek like-minded people, and they are all over the Internet," Seppinnisaid. "Someone inclined to be depressed can find people whocorroborate. . . . It also leads to focusing on a lot of drama andnonsense." Instead of stewing in their misery, quarter-lifersshould focus on what they can change, Seppinni said. "Although it is atime of depression, it is also a time of being creative in gettingyourself to do something out of your comfort zone," she said. "Embracethe challenge." In her therapy sessions, Kellar starts bytelling her clients they aren’t alone. Then she helps them getcomfortable with who they are. "A lot of times you don’t knowwhat you want because you’re out of touch with things," Kellar said."Take a step back, boil things down. Make choices in a more deliberateway, and afterwards know how [you] feel about them." It’s about gainingself-awareness, she said. For Buchanan, losing her job turnedout to be the push she needed. Blessed with more time to work on herblog, she realized her real passion lay in writing. Now she hopes tomake a living from it. "It’s a hard path, and it won’t be easy,"said Buchanan, whose fiance is helping to pay the bills while shebuilds her portfolio. "But I know what I want to do now, and I have thesupportive base to get me there." "You’re never going to becertain that you’ve chosen the right path," said Abby Wilner, co-authorof "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in YourTwenties." "You’ll always have doubts, but you learn to deal with thosedoubts. Learning to cope with that is when the crisis ends." About The Author: Dr. Leslie Seppinni is a licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) and Doctor of Clinical Psychology, (Psy.D). In all her work she emphasises on "The 4 C’s: Curiosity, Conviction, Courage and Commitment" as her cornerstone. Her Excuse Free(tm) Living Philosophy comes from her personal true rags to riches life story, her work as psychotherapist, and a Crisis Intervention Specialist. |
Tags: CAREER, LIFE AFTER COLLEGE, PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, QUARTER LIFE CRISIS, TWENTY SOMETHING
