What are the characteristics of assertive people?

Asserting yourself in 10 Easy steps

Assertiveness is a skill we can acquire over time and a capacity that should be maintained. Assertiveness implies understanding our own individual way of being, accepting it and not being afraid of revealing it to the people around us. Assertive people are not afraid to firmly express their opinions. By hiding our true self we will only generate misunderstanding and a sense of malaise within interpersonal relationships. Here are ten steps to become more assertive:

• Express your feelings. Assertive people can share with others what they are feeling, without any sense of shame or fear of being misunderstood or judged.

• Don’t offer justifications. When assertive individuals express their opinions or let others know what their tastes, choices and values are, they do not feel obliged to also provide a justification for this choice or preferences. When challenged by someone who contradicts them and expresses disapproval they will be able to respond in a simple and decisive manner (for example, saying, “This is what I think,” or “These are the values I abide by”)

• Don’t fear confrontation or comparison. On entering into a discussion with someone, in an assertive manner you should have no fear of measuring oneself with anyone else in relation to the various topics discussed.

• Learn to admit one’s mistakes or change one’s opinion. Assertive types know very well that anyone can make a mistake or change their mind. They are thus sincere and honest with themselves and with others, admitting any errors they may have committed and confessing any change in their opinions, without experiencing feelings of excessive inadequacy or incompetence as a result of their action.

• Be persistent. When an assertive person says something they believe is important and are simply ignored, they are able to reiterate their ideas until they are given the attention, they feel, they deserved.

• Defend your rights. Assertive types do not let others step all over them or exploit them in any way. They will make sure other people respect them, and are not afraid of offending a person who has challenged them first. They are also not stalled by feelings of guilt.

• The capability to say “no”. When they disagree with someone, they are capable of expressing their point of view, while maintaining a respectful tone in whatever they say.

• Ask for an explanation. If someone says something that is not clear or makes excessive or unreasonable demands, you should seek clarification. Don’t be afraid to admit you have not understood what a person has said or that you need further explanation.

• Speaking about yourself. When assertive people want to say something about themselves, such as referring to an important experience or the attainment of a personal goal, they do so without monopolizing or interrupting a conversation.

• Accept compliments. When someone makes a positive remark concerning you, accept it without trying to decrease or increase its value, for example don’t say things like, “No, that’s not really true” or “Please don’t exaggerate”.

Luca Govoni is author of this article on Psychology portal about anxiety and stress. Find more information about Psychology articles here.

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