Why Do Siblings Fight And Bicker?

Competition and fighting among siblings isn’t unique to humans. It also occurs in the animal kingdom very regularly. Believe it or not, these little fights they get into actually teach them how to get along with people. Of course sometimes these fights or arguments can become just a little too heated and you’ll need to step in, but don’t be too quick to jump in!

Bickering between siblings is a natural part of growing up. Here the children look how to respect the feelings of other people. It’s a safety zone for exploring reaction to conflict in an environment that they know they are loved. It’s also the way which brothers and sisters sort out their problems and issues.

Sibling arguments teach children how to argue fairly without hurting each other physically or emotionally. This may be hard to believe when you walk into one of their arguments which can be extremely vocal and perhaps even overwhelming at the moment. But it really is a learning process for your children.

The conflict between siblings can have many causes. Sometimes kids are fighting for their parents love and attention. In fact jealousy is a common reason for fighting that even continues into adulthood. If your children are bickering because of jealousy you need to intervene.

By intervening I don’t mean stop the bickering. You need to stop the underlying cause of the jealously. Your children have to get equal quality time, be treated equally when it comes to rules and discipline, and they need to feel loved.

Sometimes one child becomes the common instigator of an argument and your parental instinct is to protect the child that is being picked at. This actually makes the situation worse because the child that started the fight now feels even more chastised or out of the loop. This makes them start another fight as soon as the next opportunity arises.

Some conflict is normal and healthy. Continuous fighting and bickering is not and is a result of an underlying issue such as jealousy. The cause of the jealousy can be wide and varied and you will need to figure out the root cause and deal with it.

You also need to remember that the child that appears to have started the argument may not necessarily be the instigator. Children are very creative and smart and they know how to push their siblings buttons so that they will react and look like the bad guy. Make sure you understand the entire picture before laying blame or coming down on one child.

You can reduce the number of fights and arguments by spending quality individual time with each child, protecting the needs of each of your children, allowing each child “things” that are theirs that they are not required to share with siblings, and by acknowledging age differences and treating appropriately.

This doesn’t mean you have to treat them exactly the same. They are individuals and they are different ages. Treat them as individuals and assign privileges and expectations based on their age and individuality.

This means that your 10 year old may have privileges that your 4 year old does not and your 4 year old needs to learn to accept this. This also means your 10 year old shouldn’t be forced to always include the 4 year old in their activities. This in itself can lead to frustration and jealousy.

Always make sure that no child is ever left out. Give them the option of participating in an event or situation but never purposely exclude them. Make sure you give your children their own space where there sibling is not allowed to bother them or bug them.

One of the most common mistakes is comparing siblings. “Your sister does … so much better”or“Why can’t you be like your brother.” Major parenting mistake! If you want to start unhealthy sibling rivalry all you need to do is pit your kids against each other.

You should also have ground rules about what your children are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do if an argument breaks out. For example, no hitting, no name calling, or no bullying.

If your children are upset help them find a way to express those feelings vocally to you or to whomever they are upset with. Teaching them to be able to express themselves will reduce the number of bickering outbreaks that occur.

Teach your children how to problem solve. Good problem solving skills reduces frustration, and reduced frustration means less arguments. By teaching your children how to vocalize their feelings and problem solve you are helping them develop skills they will use for the rest of their lives.

And of course there are times you need to step in. Sometimes it’s better to let them argue it out but when things get heated you need to play referee and stop the bickering before it escalates to an unhealthy level where someone gets hurt either physically or emotionally.

Siblings fight and bicker as a natural part of becoming independent adults. It happens throughout the animal kingdom. Your job is to ensure that things don’t escalate and that each of your child plays by the family rules.

Aura Mirchandani is the Editor and Publisher of Article Click. For more FREE articles for your ezine and websites visit ArticleClick.com. Article Click is a free content article directory.